Joking from myself.

I never really was able to joke from myself. I am not saying that I can bear right now every joke about me or I can easily joke from myself, but I am much better in this than in the past. I remember first more serious ‘joke’ addressed to me. I was probably something like 14-15, in the class on the lesson, nicely sitting in the first desk with my ‘best friend forever’ (at least that’s what I thought up then) and making notes. Someone at the back said something stupid and pointless and the teacher thought it was me. She looked at me and said that ‘I was stupid as a typical blond’. Well, cruel joke. Can You imagine my reaction? I was just getting my right shapes. My boobs finally started to look like something rounded, not two small triangles. My hips were wide as never. I put on some weight. My period was almost regular and not painful, but I had acne problem. I also started noticing boys as a potential boyfriends to not just keep hands together, but maybe something more serious. So, basically, a lot was going on, and then she said something like this. That I was stupid like a typical blond. Since I was little I could hear boys joking about it. Of course I started crying. After lesson the teacher stopped me and kind of apologize. I said kind of because she didn’t say: I am sorry. She said that it was just a joke and she didn’t meant it. Bull shit. She exactly meant what she said. 

Right now I would react differently. I would say something like: You should treasure our stupidity because real blond is rare nowadays, or something like this. Or at least I wouldn’t say anything and just walk away. But I learned it with time to have some distance to myself. My hair color does not define me. It’s just color that I didn’t chose. After that situation I dyed my hair first to black, then to brown. Right now I am really proud of my hair color. In my high school the lady that worked in canteen was calling me a gold hair girl. Or a girl with the hair as a gold wheat. And I really liked it. But if You’re blond and someone joked about your hair color, You can easily imagine what I’ve been through. It was really hard time.

Lately I noticed that finally I learned some distance to myself. Not so long ago, on English lesson we had to do some exercise. Theoretically it was easy, there were few words to match with paragraphs. But I couldn’t do this. I was sitting with my friend (blond as well) and we were trying to do this together. Nothing. After few minutes of not understanding and not being able to do this we looked to our friends book but they also didn’t understand the task. And yes, they were also blond. After checking this exercise with entire group we found out that we completely didn’t ignite. We end this lesson laughing like crazy from how stupid it is to seat four blond girls together and give them something easy to do. It is still a joke between us. I am so happy that I have right now such amazing friends that have distance to themselves and can joke easily! 

We have only one life and there is no point on feeling sorry for yourself because someone joked from us. If he did it because he was mean and wanted to hurt us than this person is just not worth even the minute of our attention, furthermore his words are irrelevant. Sometimes peoples jokes are accurate and true (sometimes sadly true), but treat this as advice and see if You can change something about this. What is the most important for me is to find the lightness of accepting our faults and mistakes that can make laugh other people and to laugh together with them.

Love, Liliann.


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